There is a science fiction convention on the 25th-26th July in the Crowne Plaza in Glasgow. The guest is Iain M Banks.

On Thursday night (9th) at The Cask and Still the committee will be selling memberships and this will be one of your last chances to save yourself a £5 drinking voucher by signing up in advance.
After July 17th there are no more advanced memberships.
You can visit the website http://www.satellite2.org.uk/

Now that weekend is also the River Festival so the Crowne Plaza is definitely the best place to be that weekend as there will be loads of fantastic things going on in addition to out brilliant convention.

And if that's not enough just imagine how you'll feel when everyone else is celebrating 40 years since Apollo 11 landed on the moon and you're doing nothing.

Come on. It's going to be brilliant.

Here is the best and easiest way to book the Crowne Plaza for satellite_2.

1 Phone 0870 443 1691. This is the hotel reception.

2 Ask them to put you through to in-house booking.

3 Ask for a booking for your desired dates and say it's for Satellite 2.

4 You'll need to give them your credit card number.

5 Do not let them put you through to central booking as they have no details of the convention on their computer.

Friday

Got to the Cedar Court about 4pm after rather long journey down. Got settled in hotel before meeting the others at the fan table. It took a bit of a while to get registered as there was no poly bags left. rhionnach and I went to the opening ceremony. Then it was the usual round of bumping into people we hadn't seen for a year and hugging the_magician for as long as was reasonable. We got dinner, which was cheap enough although a bit dry and frazzled. Then it was the free wine and beer at the art show reception where more catching up and gossiping was done. We went round the art show and picked out all the things we loved. hubblegubble and I helped SMS nominate something for the phlosque award which we believe strongly in. We actually had to be thrown out of the art show. We had the amazing experience of “The Golem” silent movie with new original soundtrack which was awesome. Poor rhionnach was dead on her feet at that point and needed to o back to her B&B, so hubblegubble and I got the amazing middle of the night bacon sandwich and went to bed too.

Saturday

After breakfast I went to man my con table. tanngrisnir helped me out and I went to the dealer's room. I spent every penny in my purse. That Ian Whates is a silver-tongued discounter if I ever met one. I was also really sad to hear that The Fantasy Centre is shutting down. I've bought books from Erik and Andy at every con I've ever been to.

hubblegubble and I met up for lunch and then we went to the Music of the Spheres panel. After that I needed a stimulant so we had a sit down and a coffee. I manned the table for another hour before packing it up. Apparently our mascot “Roger Beep” escaped and went on an adventure and hasn't been seen since.

We went to Ann Stokes' art talk and then for dinner. I felt a bit headachy so we went for a walk to clear my head and get some more cash. When we came back it was time for the orchestra which was instead of a masquerade. It was incredibly good and I felt slightly ashamed of myself for shedding a tear during the “Star Trek through the years” compilation. We loved the bongos.

This left just one programme item on disasters in Conrunning before bed. I've got a bad case of grumbly guts so I've retired for the sake of everyone else.

Sunday

I hadn't drunk any alcohol yesterday at all, but I was really sick during the night and got no sleep at all. So hubblegubble took the con table stuff down for me and I stayed in bed. I eventually got up and had a shower when I heard the “How to Blow Things Up” presentation in the garden. I've had a shower now and a drink of water, but my stomach is still sore and my guts are still grumbling like crazy. I'll stay in my room a bit longer till I'm not so stinky. I'm sorry for TMI. I hate missing the day, but I really don't feel good.

Later on I got up and got dressed and went to the play “Insidious” which was extremely odd it didn't help that it was a sequel to a play I hadn't seen. Still, it was very good and no more odd than some things I've seen at The Circle at the Citizen's. The way the chorus did the voice of the hive mind was very effective. The cast were also very good.

After the play we had a drink. C wasn't feeling well and so she had gone off to bed. I had one of rhionnach's rehydrating drinks to make me feel better. Then as I was on my way to bed I was chatted to by IS until I threatened to fart hideously and he let me go.

Monday

I did my final shift on the con table in the morning. My technique today was to call anyone I recognised over for a chat I made sure they all got flyers. I don't know if it really worked as a sales technique, but it was loads better than doing nothing at all. It did backfire on me somewhat as one senior convention goer got very annoyed at me even asking if he'd like to come. He's a prickly customer best avoided in future, I think. This unfortunately happened before fluffcthulhu arrived to both guard the money tin and encourage members. I'm sure it would've been fine if he'd been there to oversee matters.

I had lunch and managed to get an extended hug of Lil Richard who I now have a baby-crush on. He's such good company.

Then I went back to the dealer's room just in case my remaining money burnt a hole in my pocket. Had a chat with Jonny Nexus until we got thrown out. We went to the closing ceremony and then had to go home. It was a longish journey up the road, but no delays.

I now have to find something to hang in the space that is left following hubblegubble's successful art sales, but we now proudly own two Buckleys which will require suitable framing and displaying.

We have just heard that Iain M Banks will be reading from his new book "Transition" at Satellite 2. This book won't be released till September 3rd, so hear it first at the convention.

http://www.satellite2.org.uk

I have also just heard that the Glasgow River Festival is the same weekend. As the Crowne Plaza is right on the river, you'll be in the best place to see the event.

http://www2.seeglasgow.com/diary/event.asp?Eventid=1749

PS I have posted this in several places today, all with a spelling mistake. I am a numpty and should really try and work through my to do list when I'm actually awake.

On Saturday morning I got up at 4am to fly to Luton. I had a doze on the plane and Al picked me up at the airport. We went straight to the fishmarket and got our convention/bookstall set up. I was primarily there to promote satellite_2 and albacon and I had taken some books from the cupboard to sell to offset the cost. And it's also a good way to start conversations with people.

The fishmarket is a large open L-shaped space. After the opening ceremony the decision to turn the seating round was taken as the acoustics were utterly terrible. (Flashback to 1995 and Intersection). The sound problems were made worse by guests waving mics about instead of holding them close to their mouths. I made sure that I was sitting close to the front of any program item I went to so I could at least partially lip-read.

I attended a panel on Is "New Space Opera" just "Old Space Opera" in fresh clothes? I think the consensus of the panel was that space opera is great, either new, old or "widescreen baroque." A sentiment I agree with. Al and I manned our stall, handed out leaflets and book marks, made new friends, met old friends, had weird conversations, and sold a few books. Our book stall was a marble fish slab which kept our books nice and cool. Many of the other vendors were small press publishers or self-published authors. There was no jewelery stalls, so I didn't spend too much money.I stuck up posters in the toilets and they may still be there.

The con had the Jester of Northampton as a compere and M/C which was a super idea and he entertained everyone by walking about on those bouncy leg things and juggling and he did his act in the evening which was hilarious.

We listened to excepts of Paul Cornell's adaptation of Iain Banks' State of the Art for BBC Radio 4 which will be broadcast at 2.15pm on the 6th of March. Paul was pleased that Iain wanted to add his ship name "Innocent Bystanders" to the official list of ship names.

In the evening we had free wine at NewCon Press's launch of Subterfuge and then a BBQ in the courtyard. I spoke to some of the fishmarket staff. I really like the place. It's run by a lot of really young people, many of whom are volunteers. They have exhibitions and events as well as a collection of teeny independent shops, a bar selling veggie and non-veggie options. Al and I decided to go for a wee walk (and chips) before bedtime. Northampton at the weekend is terrifying. There were bus loads of police trying to keep the peace, blood on the streets and everyone was out to get plastered and into a fight. I was glad that the fishmarket had a tough looking security guard. He was needed.

The next day I attended the GoH talk with Iain Banks and ken MacLeod in conversation with John Clute. All three were introduced by the legendary Alan Moore who lives in Northampton and was stunned that an SF con had arrived in his town.

Al and I went to the panel quiz, "Just an SF-ing Minute" which was utterly hilarious. Paul Cornell was so cute as he got embarrassed about being caught in a repetition as he put his head in his hands and said that he couldn't look at anyone. Priceless. Iain Banks masterfully played the back game, failing to talk for more than 8 seconds on the subject of malt whisky, putting the audience into utter convulsions.

Things finished quite early as the fishmarket shut at 6pm. If I'd realised I wouldn't've booked a third night in the hotel as we could really have gone home. As usual we were all sorry when it was all over. And the PCBs set in quite early for me.

In all there were about 200 people there over the course of the weekend. At such an intimate con there was loads of audience participation and the atmosphere was very relaxed and friendly. The guests were all incredibly clever and so witty and entertaining. I had a great time.

The Post Con Blues

Definition

A sense of loss, sadness, malaise following a science fiction convention.
A condition not unsimilar to "Circus has just left town" syndrome.


Emotional Symptoms:-

A tendency to snap at the mundanes in your life who cannot possibly understand what you're going through.
Feeling bereft or unfulfilled, lonely or depressed.
Regrets (You may have slept with someone to save a night's hotel bill. It's alright. Just retire your badge name and never wear that hall costume again. You have plausible deniabilty as it'll be a year before you see that person again, probably.)

Physical Symptoms (Any or all are possible) :-

Hangover
Dicky tummy (Too much rich food and beer.)
A cold or the flu. (You've just been in a room with 1400 international people where the air-con keeps the circulating the air. You're bound to catch something.)
A cold sore. (Extremes of temperature can cause an out-break.)
Cramps (Lack of exercise.)
Tightness of clothing. (Over eating and drinking.)

Condition exacerbated by the following:-

Returning to a cold house, having been away for a long weekend.
Finding off-milk and rotten veg in the fridge.
Having no other food in the house and nothing to buy it with.
Plants dead due to forgetting to water them before you left in your excitement.
Dropping your new favourite badge in the bath and ruining it after it had been given to you by the artist herself. (It recovered when I put it on the radiator to dry out.)
Having to go back to work.
Having a massive washing to do.
Finding you've put on half a stone in four days and all your clothes are too tight.
Finding you have no money until the next pay day and for sometime after till your credit cards are paid off.

Condition can be relieved by:-

Go for a walk and eat a salad. (One of the reasons you feel so bad is that you've drunk too much, eaten too much and had no exercise for nearly a week. Give your brain some endorphins and work off the five cooked breakfasts you ate.)
Wear your con t-shirt. (You spent your hard earned money on it and you'll be paying for it for months so get some use out of it. It'll make you feel closer to your tribe. It also might drive the mundanes away for a bit. They're the last people you want to see right now.)
Put away all those books you bought. (The charity ones don't count towards feeding the bibliophilic addiction, do they?)
Get a washing on and give something in your house a bit of a clean. (So it's not a 5 star hotel, but it's all you've got. Besides you feel bad anyway, at least this way you won't feel any worse, but the house will be clean.)
Join another con. (If you didn't do it before you left, do it now. You've got all the forms somewhere in your bag. At least sign up for supporting membership of something. Give yourself something to look forward to.)
Re-read your comfort book. (In my case this is The Belgariad by David Eddings. It's like having a cuddle with your teddy bear.)
Watch some old SF film or TV show that you know it'll make you feel better.
Find a real life fan group or an LJ one. Join it. It'll help with the bereft feelings.
Have a cup of tea or two. (Your liver could probably do with a rest.)
If all this fails, then blog about it.

On Friday hubblegubble and I got to the hotel very early. Registration wasn't even open. He went for a nap and I went for breakfast. Then I explored the hotel, realised that it didn't conform to normal laws of geometry, and then registered. Met hirez and lapswood in the queue. Then I went to the dealers room to check out our fan table and hung out there most of the day. I enthusiastically handed out fliers by calling people by name. I could read their badges, and most people out of politeness came up to me just on the off chance that we'd met at previous conventions. Christine told me that she'd only brought 1000 fliers and I should try not to give them all away on the first day. Met ksimes and dalg.

On Saturday I manned my table. Employing some similar tactics from the previous day. I actually attended a program item today, Charlie Stross's GoH talk, and froze my expansive bum to the uncomfortable wooden chair. The hotel has pockets of intense heat like the dealers room which was unbearable today and intense cold like my bedroom where I shivered before dropping into a hypothermic coma. I went to the Art show to check out the work of psychochicken and hubblegubble. I also chatted with E.D. Buckley, Lisa Konrad, Frank Wu, Brianna Flint and the irrepressible SMS. In the evening it was masquerade and caberet which were hugely enjoyable. I'm still humming "Reevers, Malcolm, Reevers" occasionally.

On Sunday we shut our table for Neil Gaiman's talk. We also sold our largest number of memberships on this day. So altogether a very enjoyable day. I even went to another program item, Bad Physics in SF and drew attention to my Sunshine rant . After dinner and drinks I went to another program item, a panel talk based roughly round The Tough Guide to FantasyLand by Diana Wynn Jones. Tanith Lee turned up half an hour late complete with wine glass to that one, which was amusing enough in itself. dalg and I went to the Canada party and sampled maple syrup liqueur and tablet, which are, IMHO, just heroin disguised as sugar. psycho_machia came up to me and in very dramatic fashion which is typical of him, said he wanted to talk to me later, but I didn't see him again the whole rest of the time.

Monday was a fairly quiet day what with rhionnach and cuddles_batcave having left already and everyone was packing up. We didn't sell anymore memberships for satellite_2, but we had done quite well over the weekend anyway. We signed up for LX next year and collected fliers for other cons that we might just have to go to to promote satellite_2. Fortunately didn't go home without a kiss and cuddle from the_magician.

We flew back on the 3pm flight, got home safely, went to Kilmarnock to pick up Pog who fell asleep as soon as his wee head hit the pillow. I think his grandparents wore him out.

Satellite 1's guest, Ken McLeod, will be doing a thing at Aye Write with his good friend Iain M. Banks on Sunday 9th March at 6pm. It only costs £7 or £6 for a concession.

Not rubbing it in, but dalg and I have got free tickets. Whoopee.